Self-Improvement Is Masturbation

Spend a few hours on the internet and you'll quickly be convinced that if aren't constantly improving some aspect of your life, you're an utter failure.

You may have no idea why you need to improve, but since Hamza or David Goggins or Andrew Tate told you to, you'd better do it.

Self-improvement has become an end in itself - you improve because improving is what you're supposed to be doing.

It’s now a hobby, like painting miniature figurines or water skiing.

People are attempting max out their character stats without any consideration of whether those skills are relevant to their life goals.

But improving at random things and expecting your life to transform is like jerking off into a sock and expecting to have kids.

And just like sitting at home playing with yourself will never replace actually getting laid, self-improvement will never change your life until you understand what's motivating you in the first place.

You Are Not Broken

The entire self-improvement industry is predicated on the idea that you are fundamentally broken.

The best marketing plays on our fears: if you create a problem for someone they didn't know they had, you can sell them a solution they didn't know they needed.

Your ugly body is the reason you're not getting laid - join my fitness program and you'll finally be attractive.

Your lack of wealth is the reason you're not happy - take my trading course so you can buy your way to happiness.

Your lack of social skills are the reason you're not popular - read this book about influence and everyone will suddenly love you.

The process is simple:

1) Create a problem.

2) Agitate the pain.

3) Sell the solution.

The best part - if you buy the solution and don't get a result, that's your fault.

You did it wrong or didn't try hard enough.

This method is a slam dunk for marketers - they don't have to convince us of anything new.

Society has told us we're not enough since the moment we could comprehend language.

If you're convinced that you're worthless piece of shit, then everything you do will be an attempt to prove to yourself you're not.

When your entire existence lays on the delusional belief that you're only worthy if you're improving, the seeking never ends.

Just like the junkie needs a bigger hit to get the same high, you need to read the next book, take the next course, and attend the next seminar just to feel worthy.

Waiting for that magic bullet when everything will suddenly come together and you'll be improved enough, or fully-optimized, or whatever.

But no matter how hard you try, self-improvement cannot create self-worth.

Optimizing your outer world cannot improve your inner world unless it's built on the foundation of total self-acceptance.

Take Tim Ferriss for example.

Probably the most self-improved, optimized man in the world dealt with severe depression and suicidal ideation throughout his life.

This is a man who has tracked every single workout he's ever done, interviews the most successful people on the planet, and basically wrote the bible on self-improvement.

How is it possible that the world's most prolific self-optimizer deals with depression and suicidal ideation?

A few years ago, Tim came out and shared he was sexually abused as a child.

Clearly, some things cannot be healed by maximizing all your stats.

I would go as far to say that Tim’s obsession with self-improvement was a reaction to his abuse.

When people are victims of events that are out of their control, they typically respond by swinging completely the other way - becoming obsessed with controlling everything they can.

But you can't self-improve your way out of a traumatized soul.

After almost zero success in eliminating depressive episodes that lasted for decades, Tim was eventually cured of his depression after handful of experiences using entheogenic substances.

How is it possible that dedicating decades to meticulous self-improvement barely did anything to alleviate his depression, yet a few experiences with entheogens cured it permanently?

To Go Up, You Must First Go Down

The answer is obvious to anyone who's drank a strong cup of ayahuasca or ate 5 grams of good mushrooms.

Entheogens do not give a shit about self-improvement.

The intelligence behind plant medicines typically do not give us what we want, but instead what we need.

They have a very potent way of dragging us into the depths of our psyche, to the places we need to look and so often avoid.

For a few hours, we are stripped of our self-deceptive behaviors.

We are moved outside of our predictable thought patterns and reactions.

They give us enough perspective to look at our life from a new angle - honestly and without prejudice.

They are not tools of self-improvement but tools of self-awareness.

Whereas self-improvement is often about layering more stuff on top of our conflicted psyche, self-awareness is about stripping stuff away - forcing us to confront ourselves exactly as we are.

Self-awareness is all about the descent.

A powerful entheogenic experience often drags you down to the earth, quite literally.

A strong cup of ayahuasca will lay you on your ass for hours, relegated to the floor as you enter the underworld of your own mind and begin to experience the truth of who you've always been.

This is in contrast to the world of self-improvement, which favors the ascent.

But this endless striving upwards is only one half of the human experience.

We must grow in both directions.

An oak cannot grow strong and powerfully without being deeply rooted in the dark, rich soil of the earth.

Similarly, it's only when you have touched the depths of your own darkness that you are able to rise towards your greatest potential.

As Nietzsche said,

“What if pleasure and pain should be so closely connected that he who wants the greatest possible amount of the one must also have the greatest possible amount of the other, that he who wants to experience the “heavenly high jubilation,” must also be ready to be “sorrowful unto death”?

Until you understand the darker, shadowy aspects of yourself, no amount of self-improvement will ever fix you.

You must go down into the abyss - questioning all of your beliefs, everything you've been taught, your ideas of what is "right" and "wrong."

But eating a sheet of acid or flying to the jungles of Peru is not the only way to access the deep abyss.

Men have made their descent across every culture for thousands of years in a variety of ways.

Vision fasting, sun dancing, meditation retreats, pilgrimages, shadow work, and dark rooms are just a few technologies that our ancestors utilized to descend in order to gain a deeper understanding of themselves.

"All of men's problems stem from his inability to sit in a quiet room alone."
- Blaise Pascal

But it's here you must find yourself - not in a room full of rabid optimizers pumping their fists to techno music.

But alone in a dark room, or deep in the forest, or in ceremony, contemplating the nature of your existence.

Feeling into the depths of your pain, shame, sorrow, and all the shadowy aspects yourself you've been trying to improve your way out of.

Taking the first steps to understand yourself when everything is stripped away and you are only left with you.

If you stay there long enough, you may come to realize that there is nothing inherently wrong with you.

You were not born into this world fucked up, broken, and needing to be fixed or improved.

As Leonard Cohen said, "There is a crack in everything. That's where the light gets in."

You may start to realize that these cracks are not something to repair, but a fundamental part of the light that you are.

Preparing For Action Is Not Taking Action

Is there some amount of self-improvement that is not masturbatory?

It can't be that all self-improvement is a complete waste of time, can it?

Of course not - and here is an easy test to decipher whether you're optimizing for something meaningful or whether you're pulling the ol' self-improvement goalie.

Is the thing you're optimizing for directly related to something you're taking action on in your life?

Reading a book on relationship communication is going to be far more effective if you do it while in a relationship.

Listening to a 3-hour Huberman lecture on optimizing strength training is a lot more useful if you actually go to the gym.

Attending a real-estate investment seminar when you actually have enough to make a down-payment on property today.

Sure, you might buy an investment property someday, but it's absolutely delusional to think you will retain the information, or what you learned will even be relevant years from now.

Instead, focus on improving metrics that directly correlate to the goals you have in your life.

Use the 80/20 rule.

Focus 20% of your time learning new things.

Spend 80% of your time applying those lessons in real-life situations.

Stop preparing for a day that may never come. Go out there and learn by doing.

It will serve you much further at the end of the day.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, to live a deep and meaningful life, self-improvement must be a product of self-reflection.

A meaningful life is not a result of stacking the most habits or watching the most Jordan Peterson lectures - but from a deep understanding of our own nature.

When you understand your own nature, you naturally begin to improve.

Your path will not be the same as your favorite YouTuber or athlete or influencer.

You must walk your own path - no-one else can teach you how to do this.

It requires courage.

True courage is not the ability to sit in cold water the longest or learning how to read faster.

The word courage comes from the latin word Cor, which means heart.

Legitimate courage is the willingness to go into the depths of your own psyche, wrestle the demons within, and live from your heart unapologetically.

When you alchemize your pain, and understand it is the greatest teacher you have, every single experience becomes rich and meaning and depth.

You are no longer running away from yourself, but instead turning into your own depths over and over again.

And from here, self-improvement is inevitable.