Why Are You At War With Reality?
Perhaps it's time to lay down your weapons and trust in the power of Fate.
In 2020, scientists from Penn State ran a study where they asked people with Generalized Anxiety Disorder to write down every single thing they were worried about over 10 days.
Twenty days later, researchers followed up to ask how many of those worries had come true.
The results showed that 91.4% of the participants worries never transpired.
In other words, only 8.6% of the things we are concerned about come true.
Yet, how much time and energy do you waste at war with reality, demanding that certain things don’t happen and fighting to ensure others do?
Trying to manipulate the world to your own accord, chronically stressed and exhausted in the endless struggle to control your life?
I recently re-listened to Michael Singer’s The Surrender Experiment.
Right at the beginning of the book, he asks one of the most important questions you could ask:
“Am I better off making up an altered reality and fighting said reality to make it my way, or am I better off letting go of what I want and serving the same forces of reality that managed to create the entire perfection of the universe around me?”
Ae you going to let go, or be dragged?
This letter is for those who want to lay down their arms and stop warring with life.
Let’s dive in.
The Toxic Worldview You Inherited
One of the greatest pitfalls of modern society is our obsession with reductionism.
We’re taught to break everything down into individual components and facts, convinced that if we can just understand how the world works, we’ll unlock the mysteries of ourselves—and with that, the meaning of life.
Modernity, in its ignorance, declares this mindset the pinnacle of human development. Every worldview that came before it is dismissed as archaic or naive.
This misguided arrogance has driven us to madness: we spend billions attempting to control the weather, create mosquitoes that don’t bite, and engineer pest-resistant plants, all in the name of controlling not only the fate of ourselves, but the entire world.
Life has been simplified to a chaotic landscape shaped by random events, where the only way to manage our existence is by fighting reality and imposing order on the world around us.
It’s clear this reductionist view has done for more damage than good to our planet, society, and individuals.
That’s because meaning has never been made by warring with reality. Scientific discoveries and new technologies will never lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.
Despite what we’ve been told, humanity does not progress through science and technology. These are merely tools.
The collective and the individual have always evolved through story.
Science and technology may lay the groundwork, but it’s the narratives we craft that shape our cultures, values, and destinies.
We are a species driven by myth.
Embracing The Mythos Of Your Life
If you want to stop warring with reality, the first step is to let go of the reductionist mindset and begin seeing your life through a mythic lens.
Imagine you are the protagonist in a story that’s already been written and whatever happens to you is fated by the author.
This isn’t about bowing to a specific deity or following a particular religious sect. It’s about releasing the grip of modern scientism and reconnecting with a worldview that guided 99.9% of human existence—long before monotheism or organized religion emerged.
Viewing our existence as a mythic journey was humanity’s default consciousness for over 300,000 years. Every animal, plant, and rock was seen as living out its own destiny, each playing a role in a greater story. Even the Earth itself was understood as unfolding through its own tale of evolution.
Since the dawn of language, our most cherished stories revolve around a character who resists their destiny, only to be called into an adventure that demands surrender—an odyssey of trials, tragedies, and profound transformation.
The war against reality ends when we learn to accept our fate—when we embrace the unique journey laid out for us, a story far more intricate and dynamic than anything we could ever written on our own.
Accepting our fate is never easy. Even when life is falling apart and every sign points us in a specific direction, we resist.
We cling to the wreckage of what once was, fighting tooth and nail to stay in the familiar rather than stepping into the dark abyss of the unknown and trusting the great mystery unfolding within us.
Luke Skywalker could’ve spent his whole life as a simple farmer on a desert planet, living in obscurity. But after the tragic loss of his caregivers and a call to something greater, he left the only home he had ever known.
His journey forced him to confront the darkness within his own soul and the shadows of his ancestors. Ultimately, his decision to turn towards destiny saves the entire galaxy.
Frodo embraced his fate the moment he accepted the Ring. His courage to face the unknown was solidified when he declared, "I will take the Ring, though I do not know the way."
He could have stayed in the Shire, lived a quiet life, and achieved small, personal victories, but nothing even remotely as world-changing as saving Middle-earth from evil.
Neither character wanted to face the grueling hardships their destiny demanded. They could’ve resisted reality, or chosen a life of distraction and avoidance to quiet the fire burning within them. But that wasn’t what mystery had written.
In one defining moment, they said “yes” to fate. From that point on, mystery responded, and their only task was to trust in the mythos unfolding through them.
The moment you stop clinging to the illusion that through sheer effort, busyness, or struggle, you can bend the world to your will, your life will truly begin.
The battle ends. And the adventure unfolds.
To Accept Fate Is To Find Belonging In The World
Our ancestors understood that resisting reality was a path to misery. They saw life as reverent, not random.
There was a divine order already woven into the world. They weren’t starved for understanding and connection and knew where the belonged.
This allowed them to focus on their relationship with the world, rather than trying to make the world mean something.
That didn’t mean life was easier.
Good things happened. Bad things happened.
They accepted all of it as a part of their individual mythos, rather than something they needed to constantly fix and try to control.
If they were blessed, they thanked the gods.
If they endured hardships, they took it with grace, understanding it was part a bigger story they were to naive to understand.
Marcus Aurelius said:
“Accept whatever comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny, for what could more aptly fit your needs?”
Read that closely: Aptly fit your needs.
Everything that happens isn’t just something to accept—it needed to happen. Luke needed his family to be murdered. Frodo needed to be called out by Gandalf.
When you view the world through this lens, you stop being controlled by your reactivity and wondering why your life isn’t aligning to your preferences.
The bad doesn’t need to be avoided, and the good doesn’t need to be clung to. There is only the story.
Once you embrace the story, there is only one choice: you can endure it like a high school book you were forced to read, or you can embrace it, cherishing every page and every word as if it were the greatest work ever written.
Amor Fati
Nietzsche takes Aurelius’s idea of accepting whatever comes to us one step further
Amor fati—love of fate—asks us not just to accept what life brings but to lovingly embrace it.
Nietzsche wrote:
"My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it…but love it."
This is a radical, countercultural perspective. Modern capitalist society thrives by convincing us that our story is broken and that they hold the solution—if we’re willing to pay the price.
We’re sold the idea that all our problems can—and need to be—be fixed.
“If you make more money, buy better things, hire the right therapist, or ‘fix’ yourself, then life will finally have meaning.”
The self-improvement industry thrives on convincing us to wage war with reality.
Every day, we’re bombarded with propaganda that reminds us how flawed and miserable we are, how we should crave more than we need, and how everything can be ours if we just pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and fight for a better life.
The practice of Amor Fati shatters all of this. Sure, we still have problems, but we learn to love them.
We fall in love with life exactly as it is, embracing everything it brings—chaos, messiness, and all.
Our refusal to embrace life’s unpredictability only deepens our struggles. The desire to "fix" ourselves and our lives is the very thing that keeps us trapped in misery.
So, does this mean the solution is to surrender completely and let life steamroll us?
Not exactly…
Fate Is Not Fatalism
If your destiny is already written, what’s the point of effort?
We might as well just give up and see what happens. But that’s not fate— it’s fatalism.
Fatalism is the belief that our actions don’t matter because the outcome is fixed. It’s a passive resignation to life, often rooted in despair or apathy.
That is not what we are talking about here.
Going from forcing your will on the world to resigning from life entirely is opposite ends of the same spectrum— both treat life as something to be endured rather than embraced.
You don’t end the war against reality by stopping taking action, you just change the nature of your actions.
Your goals become less about controlling the future and more about learning how to respond skillfully to what arises. You move toward what feels aligned without attachment to the outcome.
All of this may sound good, but you may be wondering how to actually apply this to your life on the day-to-day?
How do you marry fate and free will, so you don’t fall victim to apathy, yet no longer caught in a wrestling match with reality?
Here are some places to start:
1) Stop Willing, Start Participating
Instead of asking, "How can I bend reality to get what I want?"
Ask, "How can I participate gracefully in whatever life is asking of me?"
Imagine living your life as if it were a piece of music. The song has already been written.
There's structure—a key, a tempo, a beginning, and an end.
But how we move to the music is up to us.
Our circumstances may be fated, but we still get to respond.
We can respond with courage, integrity, and creativity, or we can meet life with resistance and cowardice.
Either way, the song is going to be played. We just need to learn how to dance.
2) See Goals As Invitations Instead of Demands
Set goals as an invitation to discover more about yourself, rather than rigid stakes that the world needs to comply with in order to be successful.
If you want to write a book, don't set a goal for it to be a bestseller.
Instead, get curious—what would writing a book require of you?
Discipline? Creativity? Consistency?
Goals are an invitation to practice being someone new in the world and to align with something greater than yourself.
Even if it no one ever reads it, the journey of chasing the muse will inevitably shift your understanding of yourself and the world.
3) Focus On Cultivating Virtue First
If we’re myopically focused on accomplishing a specific goal, there’s no telling what we will do to get there. Most villains were born from people who were trying to achieve something and sacrificed their morals along the way.
It’s better to focus on life the way the ancients did—by living up to high moral standards.
No matter how our lives unfold, we can meet them with temperance and honor. We can do the right thing and show kindness, regardless of the circumstances.
The Stoics and Greeks didn’t chase arbitrary goals. They aligned their lives with the highest moral values, trusting that if their future was already written, there was no need to fight against it.
What truly mattered to them was how they responded to life, with integrity and virtue.
4) Practice Presence
Orienting your life around activities that deepen your presence in the moment will bring far more meaning than chasing arbitrary finish lines.
Practicing presence demands you stop warring with reality. You can’t be present while simultaneously trying to will the world to your way. It invites you to be completely immersed in the moment, taking it all in with every sense of your being.
Sharing a deep conversation over dinner with a close friend, tending to a garden, sitting around the fire strumming the guitar, or watching the sunrise over the mountains with a loved one—these are the experiences you’ll cherish forever.
Authentic presence is a sacred portal to a timeless realm—a state of flow. Your personal history and future desires dissolve into an awareness that reminds you how beautiful it is to simply be alive.
Nothing needs to change, there’s nothing to achieve, and nothing to regret. You are in full acceptance of life’s beauty, exactly as it is.
Which leads us to our final suggestion...
5) Study History & Story Telling
Dive into the myths of ancient heroes and the biographies of historical legends. Whether real or imagined, these narratives hold the keys to understanding the human journey.
Pay close attention to the forces that shape your favorite characters. Observe the arc of their story: How did fate disrupt their reality and summon them toward their destiny? What trials did they endure along the way? When was the pivotal moment they surrendered to what must be done? How did they navigate their own resistance to change?
Studying history and storytelling is more than just an intellectual exercise—it’s a practical discipline. By understanding the stories of others, we learn to accept and tell our own.
6) Let Life Into Your Heart
Most of us, especially men, rarely take time to appreciate the beauty in our lives.
We close our hearts in relentless pursuit of our goals, hyper-fixated on things going our way, completely bypassing the opportunity to see all the beauty around us.
A closed heart is a sick heart. It’s no wonder why heart disease remains the number one killer in Western society - our hearts are extremely malnourished.
Perhaps if we softened and opened our hearts, learned to recognize the beauty in the grief, sorrow, and pain as much as the joy, celebration, and love, the flow of life— literally flowing through the chambers of our heart—wouldn't be so constricted, and we wouldn’t be so sick.
Final Thoughts
It should be clear by now that effort and fate are not in opposition; in fact, they complement each other in living a deep and meaningful life.
Surrendering to fate allows us to lay down our weapons in our war against reality. We no longer feel compelled to fight and claw our way into the future because it was already written.
But that doesn’t mean we become passive, allowing ourselves to be tossed about at the whims of the world.
Effort aligns us with the mythic unfolding of our story. Action is the mechanism through which our fate manifests.
Think of planting a tree. The seed’s potential is fated—it can only grow into what it is meant to be.
But our effort—watering, tending, nurturing—is how that fate comes to life.
Without our participation, the tree doesn't grow.
Our lives are the same. There’s no need to fight against fate. The key is to surrender to the unfolding mystery, to dance with the current rather than fight it.
Life provides the raw material, and our will—our effort—shapes it into something meaningful.
We may not be able to control the outcome, but we do have the power to shape the journey. Like the tree that grows from the seed, we too are becoming exactly who we are meant to be, one moment, one action at a time.
Stop warring with life.
Embrace your fate, participate in the story, and enjoy every twist and turn of the mythic journey on the way to your ultimate destiny.